by Theis Bergstrom, Admin., Data, and Personnel Manager
We’ve made it through another winter. There’s an okay chance that we won’t even have another late frost. The White Throated Sparrows have been spotted all over the area, and the Black and White Warblers, too. As we all know, Black and White Warblers come as heralds to Vermont to warble one important thing: the arrival of our Plant Overlords.
Some people prefer to refer to this time of year as “Spring,” but we all know the truth of the matter. Plants are unyielding, aloof, and demanding rulers that we must obey. Theirs is a kingdom built on the backs of our quiet servitude. Like it or not we are subject to the will of this “Plant Kingdom” (as the scientists call it). Every spring we have a chance to appease these cruel tyrants, proud and preening as they are. They enjoy our attention and adoration, and by the careful tending and grooming of our plant overseers we buy another year of freedom from their wrath. “Woe be unto thee who forsaketh a plant,” the old saying goes. And if even one of us fails to do our part in winning over the favors of the Chlorophylled, unspeakable calamity will certainly befall us all. Remember the segment “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill” from the 1982 film Creepshow? That could be all of us!
In case you’re unsure exactly how to do your part to keep the impending plantpocalypse at bay, I’ll spend a minute outlining some simple steps you can follow to help keep our fellow mammals safe.
- Plant something new. A little decorative set of flowers around the driveway will do. Maybe a small kitchen garden, or even a few window box herbs. Any new planting will help.
- Pamper the plants you have. A little grooming goes a long way. This isn’t the 70s, no one likes a deadhead. You like a fresh clean bed. Don’t you think the plants do, too? Maybe it’s time to update their beds with some fresh soil. See? There’s a wide variety out there; give the plants what they want.
- Sing the Plant Song to them every opportunity you have. I know there are some regional differences in how we all learned the song as children, but the important thing is the effort. In case you’ve forgotten how it goes here’s the version I learned as a child (obviously sung to the melody of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star):
We surrender to the seeds
Give our hearts unto the weeds
Pledge to trees both high and short
Pledge to roots in sandy dirt
We surrender to rhizomes
(and) give our hearts back to the loam.
By following these simple steps we may yet buy ourselves another year.
